Taylor Frankie Paul has gone from a “soft-swinging” scandal to the new face of “The Bachelorette.” It begs the question: Does this mean society’s view of swinging is changing?
Utah-based influencer Paul, 31, went viral in 2022 after revealing in a TikTok live that she and her then-husband, Tate Paul, had been “soft-swinging,” or engaging in limited sexual contact, with other Mormon couples. Paul also stars on the hit Hulu reality show “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives,” which began in 2024 and focused on Paul and her influencer friends – dubbed “MomTok”– dealing with the fallout from her “soft-swinging” revelation.
ABC announced earlier this month that Paul will star on the next season of “The Bachelorette,” a choice which has rocked Bachelor Nation.
Though swinging has long-been, and continues to be, a taboo topic, it’s gotten more attention in recent years, as swingers and people who engage in other forms of non-monogamy have come forward to share their experiences on social media. Now that an open soft-swinger is set to star on a mainstream reality dating show like “The Bachelorette,” will society’s overall attitude toward swinging shift?
“Taylor Frankie Paul being cast as the new ‘Bachelorette’ will spark lots of introspection and conversations among viewers about the possibilities of non-monogamy,” says trauma and relationship therapist Jordan Pickell. “Taylor’s openness about her history of ‘soft-swinging’ may lead people to question their own assumptions about what monogamy or non-monogamy could look like in their own relationships.”
The new ‘Bachelorette’ has engaged in ‘soft-swinging.’ What is it?
“Soft-swinging” is a form of swinging that involves couples engaging in sexual acts with other couples but in a limited capacity, often with specific boundaries on which intimate behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
Paul was married to Tate Paul from 2016 to 2022, with the couple splitting after she said she “stepped out” of their soft-swinging agreement.
Who is Taylor Frankie Paul? Next ‘Bachelorette’ is already a reality TV star
In an interview on Alex Cooper’s “Call Her Daddy” podcast, Paul, a mother of three, described becoming “The Bachelorette” as “surreal.”
“It has not hit me,” Paul said. “Like right now in this moment, I’m just thinking about it and it’s like, it’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not going to be until, I think, the limo’s pulling up.”
Where does ‘swinging’ stigma stand now?
Though still largely taboo in popular culture, open relationships have been having a moment, at least online. Polyamory, ethical non-monogamy and similar terms have become a bigger part of the cultural lexicon, with perhaps the most-known type of open relationship being swinging.
Swinging remains a controversial practice, and mental health experts previously told USA TODAY it’s not for everyone. Couples interested in swinging should know that the practice won’t fix a broken relationship, Allison Moon, author of “Getting It: A Guide to Hot, Healthy Hookups and Shame-Free Sex,” previously told USA TODAY.
More: ‘The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives’ is sexual, scandalous. It’s not the whole story.
“Spouse exchange” dates as far back as the 1940s through “key clubs,” as they were known at the time. In the ’50s, it was dubbed “wife-swapping.” It’s unclear how many partake in swinging today – some estimates say 2% or less – though one study from the North American Swing Club Alliance claims 15% of U.S. couples have tried it at least once in their married lives. Nowadays, people visit swinging clubs and otherwise connect online with fellow swingers.
Despite more conversation around swinging, stigma remains.
Swingers want you to know a secret. Swinging is not just about sex.
Paul’s casting as “The Bachelorette” might be a turning point, as social media also inspires more swingers out of secrecy.
“For so long swinging has been so underground,” Kiley George, a swinger who chronicles her journey on #SwingTok, a hashtag with more than 2.6 billion views on TikTok, previously told USA TODAY. “And it’s just been something that only like a friend of a friend knew about, and people would tell you through word of mouth.”
Pickell is unsure if Paul’s stint as “The Bachelorette” will make swinging more popular, though she does think it’s emblematic of a larger cultural shift.
“Whether people try on some form of non-monogamy, the larger cultural shift is toward more intentional relationships rather than following inherited social scripts,” Pickell says. “I think that’s a good thing.”
Contributing: David Oliver, Melina Khan and Bryan Alexander
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: ‘Bachelorette’ star Taylor Frankie Paul and what ‘soft-swinging’ means