September is National Honey Month, National Sewing Month and National Preparedness Month. I enjoyed honey on my English muffin this morning; I recently valued the skill of a talented tailor who rescued my favorite 25-year-old suit from my aging and changing body contours; and I appreciate the nudge to be better prepared for emergencies and disasters that seem to come with more regularity these days. All good causes, yes.
But I can really get behind National Suicide Prevention Month in September. I suspect that almost all of us have been touched by this growing tragedy: a dear family member, a close friend or even the local high school student that we only vaguely knew but still keenly sensed the communal pain their suicide caused. There were nearly 700 suicide deaths in Utah in 2023. And suicide is the second leading cause of death for Utahns ages 10-44.
A few days ago, I was reminded that it was National Suicide Prevention Month when I read a study in a leading medical journal that documented how relationship breakups and serious problems are a leading cause in 20% of all suicides in the U.S.
Men account for two-thirds of all suicides in the U.S. And in another recently published study investigating men’s suicide following a divorce or separation, the authors found that men who experienced a divorce or breakup were at much higher risk for suicide compared to still-married men (and to women), especially in the immediate aftermath of the breakup (almost two times the risk).
But of the many important recommendations the authors of this study suggested for helping to prevent men’s suicide in the aftermath of relationship breakup, it did not appear there was any consideration of the upstream possibility that men (and women) can gain knowledge, skills, attitudes and virtues that will prevent relationship breakdown. (A recent story on National Suicide Month in the Deseret News briefly noted “promote healthy connections” as a prevention strategy.)
After reading these studies, something dawned on me that I had never quite articulated before. Relationship education — the work I’m doing day-to-day for the Utah Marriage Commission to provide free, online educational resources to help couples form and sustain healthy relationships and stronger marriages — is also suicide prevention work.
Until a few days ago, I had never connected those dots. More specifically, the most effective intervention to help prevent suicides after relationship breakups is to keep the relationship strong in the first place. Marriages take knowledge and skills to make them work well; they aren’t particularly natural or even straightforward these days.
Moreover, what you might call the Second Law of Marital Thermodynamics states that relationships naturally tend toward chaos and eventually fall apart unless couples regularly invest smart energy into them to keep them vital, orderly and growing.
That’s what relationship education is all about: helping couples improve their relationship knowledge and skills, while investing smart energy to keep the marriage alive and prevent the necessity of divorce (which puts people — especially men — at greater risk of suicide).
Utah has a publicly funded, research-based, free resource for helping couples do exactly this: StrongerMarriage.org.
Struggling to communicate clearly and resolve problems peaceably with your spouse? We have podcast episodes and several quick lessons that help with that.
Is your relationship just stale and stuck? We’ve got a great e-course to rebuild your marital foundation and bring back friendship, partnership, excitement, and intimacy.
Need to work on your commitment? Get some timely advice from one of the country’s leading marriage experts.
Maybe it’s more serious than that. You are struggling to overcome a terrible breach of trust from infidelity. One of our webinars or podcast episodes can be a great first step on the path to healing. Whatever your current relationship needs are, chances are we have some great educational resources to help — available on demand, in private and free.
Of course, you don’t really have to think about investing in these resources as suicide prevention. That’s kind of depressing anyway. Instead, you’re just keeping the relationship alive and solving the little issues before they grow into the big problems that can threaten a breakup … that, in turn, can put a precious life at risk.
For National Suicide Prevention Month this year, go ahead and make a donation to your local suicide hotline. But also do something more personal: invest in your own close relationships and others around you — including by considering some additional relationship education.
And men, this is a special invitation for you. An ounce of prevention, in this case, is worth more — infinitely more — than a pound of “cure.”