Everyone’s favorite “normal gay,” Richard Grenell, is insistent that you know that he is a “normal gay.” He explained to Politico over the weekend the benefits of being a “normal gay” like he is and that the perception of such a thing as a “normal gay” should be preserved in a time capsule labeled “Delusions of Assimilation in the Year 2025.”
In the vomit-inducing interview, he reminisces about Melania Trump’s generosity (?), rails against cancel culture (Where does that leave us “abnormal gays?”), and assures us that despite being gay, he’s one of the good ones. You see, if you haven’t got the point yet, Grenell is the very model of a “normal gay.”
Not surprisingly, Grenell isn’t the first conservative man tied to Donald Trump to use the term “normal gay.” JD Vance got there first by crowing to Joe Rogan that Trump is “the most normal gay guy vote” candidate, as if the LGBTQ+ electorate is just one massive club that only recently discovered voter registration and that appreciates all of Trump’s efforts to erase us.
A California chapter of the loathsome Log Cabin Republicans, as about as normal a group of gays as you can get (joke), followed Vance’s comments up with an invite to a Normal Gay Social. It had to be moved for security reasons, since presumably, “normal gays” are offensive to some people. Of course I’m being facetious, and if they were threatened, it’s beyond the pale, but that doesn’t excuse them for trying to normalize “normal gays.”
See, that’s why this whole thing about “normal gays” is. It’s just a big farce. As my grandfather might have said, “What in holy hell are you trying to say?” What is a “normal gay”? Is it someone who wears chinos and a button-down, has a pit bull, and grills hot dogs and hamburgers on the Fourth of July while listening to Led Zeppelin?
Or is it someone who dutifully suppresses any whiff of pride, pageantry, or protest and instead embraces being the GOP’s favorite diversity prop? Aww, I think I just hit on something!
Because “normal gay” is a term that only exists in the closeted wet dreams of Christian conservatives, who count among their ranks closeted uncles, clergy, and devoted husbands, all trying to prove that the Republican Party isn’t antigay, it’s just anti-everything that makes being gay interesting, fun, and well, normal!
Because if “normal” means marriage and family life, well, the far right is still very much on record against gay people adopting and two people of the same sex getting married. If “normal” means masculinity, are we talking about the old “limp wrist” trope? Are we measuring gay identity by how we walk, how we laugh, or whether we can change a tire without humming Judy Garland?
I spent years trying to be a “normal man” and, by extension, a “normal gay.” I tried deepening my voice, wearing not-the-latest fashion, avoiding eye contact or checking out other guys, and constantly talking about sports. Full confession: I do like sports, but so do lots of equally abnormal gay men I know.
Well, I didn’t succeed. Eventually, I realized there is no such thing as a “normal gay,” because there is no such thing as a “normal guy” or a normal anything for that matter. Every man, gay, straight, or Grenell, is his own constellation of quirks, contradictions, and complexities. Being so-called normal is about as abnormal as anyone can be.
And frankly, if Grenell thinks he’s the face of normalcy, I’d like to direct your attention to his serving as Trump’s errand boy at the Kennedy Center, or his jet-setting PR stunts disguised as diplomacy. There’s nothing “normal” about his slavish devotion to a man who banned trans people from serving in the military, removed mentions of LGBTQ+ people from government websites, and cheered anti-LGBTQ+ legislation from statehouses to the Supreme Court.
It’s rich, too rich, even for Grenell, who desperately clings to the approval of the political movement most hostile to LGBTQ+ rights, while trying to draw a line between himself and the rest of us.
And JD Vance? He thinks he’s normal? This is a man who insults anyone who is different than he is and who flipped fast from anti-Trump (that’s normal) to Trump’s ass-kisser (that’s definitely not normal). His famous “childless cat lady” comments make him come off as the strangest dude in the room, any room. Any guy who gets off talking about degrading women and cats … well, you know where I’m going. Not normal — at all!
The only thing “normal” about Grenell and Vance is their hunger for power, their contempt for authenticity, and their belief that visibility must be policed for the comfort of straight white men who peaked in college.
If the choice is between being “normal” like Grenell and Vance or being “abnormal” like, well, anyone living honestly, I’ll take abnormality. I’ll take a guy with a limp wrist and guys with rainbow flags who sing show tunes and love a good drag brunch. I’ll take queerness in all its unapologetic, inconvenient, and sashaying glory.
Because what Grenell and Vance don’t understand and never will is that there’s power in being outside the lines. There’s pride in rejecting a definition of “normal” that only serves the powerful. And there’s something beautifully subversive about refusing to be anything other than your full, fabulous, deeply abnormal self.
So, Ric, if you’re the normal one, the “normal gay,” then thank God I’m not trying to be you!
Voices is dedicated to featuring a wide range of inspiring personal stories and impactful opinions from the LGBTQ+ community and its allies. Visit Advocate.com/submit to learn more about submission guidelines. Views expressed in Voices stories are those of the guest writers, columnists, and editors, and do not directly represent the views of The Advocate or our parent company, equalpride.