Jul. 20—Dear Wayne and Wanda,
My friend is getting married this summer on the Kenai Peninsula. When I agreed to be a bridesmaid, I was excited to stand by her for her big day. We are all young, in our early 20s, and she is the first of our friends to be married.
I am the only bridesmaid who doesn’t still live in our hometown. I live in Wasilla and work in Anchorage. I knew that committing to the wedding meant being back on the Kenai for our big day. I didn’t know it would include her requests that I return home for a dress fitting, a trial makeup and hair appointment to test out looks, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, and a second dress fitting — and then the wedding itself.
That’s six trips between Wasilla and the Kenai through the end of the summer and I feel completely overwhelmed. When I gently suggested to the maid of honor that I might not be able to make it all work — reminding her I do have a job in Anchorage, that I live in Wasilla, and that is a lot of driving — she said I shouldn’t have agreed to be a bridesmaid if I wasn’t willing to commit and said I’d better not tell our friend the bride I was feeling that way or I’d hurt her feelings.
My friend the bride is very excited about her big day. She’s been with the groom since high school and has been planning all the details for years. I know it’s important to her. I also feel it’s a tad unrealistic and unfair to expect me to make so many trips down there — let’s call it 3 to 3 1/2 hours driving, each way, each time. I love her, but I don’t want to spend my entire summer supporting her wedding. But I’m not sure how she’ll react if I suggest skipping some events. Any advice?
Wanda says:
Ah, wedding season. Those precious summer months packed with unrealistic expectations, ridiculous expenses and sky-high demands on event execution. Oh — and also love, hope, dreams and all the great optimistic things that make two crazy people want to make a go at the most formalized and formidable form of commitment. In front of all their friends and family, to boot! So it’s not all bad — but it can be all-consuming.
You aren’t off base in identifying that due to your geographic location, this wedding may have disproportionate impacts on your free time, vehicle mileage and overall summer of 2025. Surely when your dear friend asked you to be part of her bridal entourage, she hadn’t done the math on the miles, the appointments or the events; she probably just made a short list of her dearest gal pals, and you made the cut.
No one ever really knows what they’re into when they set out to plan a wedding, nor do they know exactly how it will take shape and turn out, even if you’ve been keeping a dream-wedding scrapbook since 8th grade. She’s probably just as surprised as you to learn how many fittings, tastings, outings, and more go into creating what in her mind surely seemed like a sweet and simple dream.
So yes, sit her down and have a talk. Propose compromises. Make the bachelorette party but skip the bridal shower. Pare back two dress fittings to one. Pursue Zoom options for hair and makeup consultations. And promise to bring extra energy on the big day itself.
Wayne says:
Only six trips to the Peninsula this summer? I know an army of salmon slayers and fishing families who hit the highways practically every summer weekend — and a few turn-and-burn “sick days” during the week — with no complaints, even if they go fishless. Of course, you’re the one getting hooked, snagged and reeled in — or netted, or shrimp potted, or whatever — not as much fun being on that end of the line.
What I see here is a lack of creativity from the bride, maid of honor and the entire bridal party, including you. Just like you don’t want to spend six weekends driving to the Peninsula, does everyone in this crew really want to take every step of this matrimonial marathon in their familiar fish town fishbowls?
Partner with the maid of honor and co-host a bachelorette party in Anchorage or Girdwood instead, far away from the small-town trappings that will likely include run-ins with the groom and his bros, friends, family, co-workers and randos during the three-stop pub crawl they all make every weekend anyway. The opportunities for variety and getting some quality girl time away from it all open up exponentially up the road. And bonus: shorter drive for you!
And no offense to the fine bridal boutiques and tailors of the Kenai Peninsula, but wouldn’t it make sense for our bride-to-be to go big with her one-and-only wedding dress by shopping in Alaska’s fashion hub — ha! — of Anchorage? More shops, more dresses, less stress. And, again, less driving for you!
There, I just saved you two weekends on the road. Space that out over the summer, download a lot of podcasts, shift back to being excited for your friend and your duties, and the remaining trips will be manageable and even enjoyable.
[Wayne and Wanda: All of my friends are getting married, and I feel like I’m falling behind]
[Wayne and Wanda: My friend’s longtime job has left her miserable. How can I help her break out of the cycle?]
[Wayne and Wanda: My friend is the life of the party, but lately I haven’t been invited to join in the fun]
[Wayne and Wanda: My sister-in-law is seeking work advice. Her social media might be a problem.]