Welcome to Burdet-tiquette, where Lisa Burdette, founder of The Dallas School of Etiquette and a mother of six with global expertise, answers your questions on the art of courtesy.
Have an etiquette question? Send your etiquette dilemmas to Kjones@dallasexpress.com.
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Reader Question From: Michael, 25
Re: Wedding uncertainty, being a groomsman
I have been invited to a longtime college friend’s wedding next summer. I think I might be a groomsman, but he has not said anything directly. If I am a groomsman, I think there is even a chance I’m the best man. How do I bring this up politely without making him feel pressured? I’ve never been in a wedding before. What is expected of me if I end up being a groomsman?
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Lisa’s Response:
If you might be asked to participate as a bridesmaid or groomsman in your best friend’s wedding, but you are uncertain, ask politely. Strike up a conversation with your friend and let him know that you are there for the couple. See if he mentions their plans during your conversation. Many brides and grooms get caught up in planning and make assumptions.
You may just have to ask and be ready for rejection.
If you are a groomsman, don’t be afraid to ask direct questions that are essential for helping execute the details of the big day. A few might include: What is the dress code? Can I get anyone from the airport? Who is bringing extra safety pins for loose boutonnieres or last-minute wardrobe malfunctions?
Top Tips
A groomsman should accept and handle the following responsibilities for the groom and the wedding party:
Monitor everyone’s behavior/partying during all pre-wedding and post-wedding events. Monitor any guests who may get out of hand or drink to excess.
Be sure to keep the dress code.
Offer to organize a pre-wedding breakfast or lunch to ensure that all attire is intact and that all transportation issues are handled.
Duties at the wedding are as follows:
Meet and greet all guests.
Manage all transports for guests.
Provide a backup plan for guests who may have car trouble, etc.
Make certain to organize all bachelor events in advance and communicate with everyone who needs to RSVP.
Be open to handling logistical aspects of the wedding or pre-wedding events.
Avoid all undue attention.
Refrain from more than one drink or one plate of food.
Assist guests as needed. The groom or wedding coordinator should brief your groomsmen on how to help guests with directions, seating, and all needs during the wedding ceremony and the reception.
Be on time or, better yet, ahead of time.
Above all, let your groom know that you have his back and you will help him as the evening’s problem-solver. Remember, a best friend who genuinely cares for others more than themselves is priceless!
The Best Man’s Speech
The best man’s speech is the most important and is expected to be the culmination of the wedding speeches. Although it’s great if the speech is filled with humor, it should endorse the groom’s character most of all. The speech should reflect the friendship that the best man has with the groom and include entertaining accounts of the groom. Choose tactful stories to share. Remember, the purpose of the best man’s speech and of the groomsmen’s speeches is to demonstrate how the groom found his bride and has earned his worth. Be genuine in your speech, and all will be well.
Notes For The Happy Couple
I want to emphasize to all brides and grooms that it is of the utmost importance to ask your wedding attendants early. Give them ample time to make travel, lodging, and work arrangements.
When choosing a wedding party, pick those who are reliable and ready to serve over those who are pushy and attention-seeking. Siblings first, then friends. You want people who are supportive and can help with key events like the shower or rehearsal dinner.
The important thing to remember is that a wedding day is a celebration of commitment. Although “I Do” is the agenda of the day, many other people must also say “yes” for the day to be a success.
About Lisa
Lisa Burdette is the founder of The Dallas School of Etiquette, where she trains everyone from executives to cadets in the timeless art of courtesy. A mother of six and graduate of Auburn University, she has studied etiquette in London, Paris, Washington, and beyond. She believes true etiquette isn’t about being fancy — it’s about how you make people feel. Readers can send their etiquette questions to Kjones@dallasexpress.com