Mother’s Day is a special day for many people, giving them a reason to dote on the maternal figures in their lives and show their love. However, it might not be that way for everyone.
The holiday might be a tough day for those whose mothers have passed away or those with strained and difficult relationships with their parent.
Have someone in your life with a complicated Mother’s Day? Or maybe you’re the one with a lost parent or a strained relationship. Here are some tips on how to comfort yourself and others during Mother’s Day on Sunday, May 11, 2025.
What to say to someone with a deceased mother on Mother’s Day
For those who know friends or family members who have lost their mother, it might be difficult to know what to say on Mother’s Day. There are no exact “magic words” that will instantly ease their heartache or emotions.
However, grief experts at Camp Experience suggest saying something as simple as saying “Hey, thinking about you and checking in to see how you’re feeling today?” Or, “You’re on my mind today. How is your morning going so far?”
Personalized help and grief support website HelpText offers some text templates for those wanting to reach out, including:
The “No Need to Respond” Text: “Hi Adrian. No need to respond. Just sending you love on Mother’s Day and holding you in my heart.”
The Story Time Text: “Hey Nancy. I was laughing this morning about the time your mom and I got to see the movie 9 to 5 together back in the 80s. She loved Lily Tomlin! You’re on my mind today.”
The “Say Their Name” Text: “Hi Cole. No need to respond. Just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and Marguerite today.”
The Meaningful Gesture Text: “Hi Beulah. I placed a stone for your mom in my garden this morning. It’s deep gray, like that sweater she always wore. Remembering her hugs today.”
The Didn’t-Know-Them Text: “Hey Valerie. I didn’t get to meet your son in life, but I know he is a big part of you. Honoring his presence in your life today.”
What to say to someone with strained parent relationships on Mother’s Day
These family member-specific holidays might be difficult for reasons other than loss, especially for those with strained (or nonexistent) relationships with their mothers. Experts say it can also be difficult for people who have complicated relationships with their moms, since they might not receive the same type of sympathy as those who’ve lost a mother.
“When someone has a difficult or nonexistent relationship with their mom, they undergo a similar grief process as someone would when they lose a parent, but in a different way,” Christie Tcharkhoutian, licensed marriage and family therapist, told HelloGiggles.
“They are mourning the loss of who they wish their mom could be to them, and living with the reality of who their mother is, recognizing her limitations of mothering and acknowledging the painful experience.”
The lifestyle website also gives text templates for those wanting to reach out:
“Hey, I know today isn’t the easiest for you. So let me know if you need me. Love you!”
“How’s today going? I know how much you hate it. I’m here if you want to do something together.”
“I know how much it bothers you, but you aren’t a bad person for not reaching out to her today.”
“Hey I know you wanted to call your mom today. Let me know if you want to grab dinner and talk about it or just get your mind off it.”
What activities can you do on Mother’s Day if you lost your mother?
In an article for Motherly, author Darnise C. Martin shares her feelings towards the holiday after losing her mother and even provides ways to transform grief into an “empowering way of being.” These include:
Recall and celebrate her traits that give you strength, courage, determination and compassion.
Continue learning from her life experiences — Gather stories about who she was as a girl. How did she navigate early obstacles? Where are the similarities you share with her?
What can you do in her honor? Do it on Mother’s Day.
Create a home altar and place some of her favorite things there with a candle, glass of water and a picture. Recall fond memories there.
“I keep an altar with a couple of pieces of jewelry on it that reflect not only her love of jewelry but also a way that we connect via the sharing of the pieces,” Martin wrote. “Some days, I wear the rings that usually remain on the altar, taking her with me out into the world.”
Hallmark suggests arranging time with family and friends who knew and loved her, adding to make it a day of positive remembrance. Alternatively, they also suggest those to take some time for themselves.
“Maybe take a walk in the spring weather, meditate or enjoy an activity you might have enjoyed with your mom in quiet reflection on what she meant to you,” Hallmark says.
“Take a Mom-inspired mini road trip. Get out there — alone or with family — and visit some of the places that were special to her or the whole family. “
What can you do on Mother’s Day if you have a strained relationship with your mother?
AARP delivers a guide for those struggling with their less-than-perfect connections to their mother, offering tips on navigating the day and your emotions:
Accept that your mom has her own struggles
Try to keep her frustrations in mind — especially on Mother’s Day
Focus on what you have in common
Be active together to help you both stay positive
Work your mind away from negative thoughts
Stay authentic to yourself and your parent
Expand the meaning of ‘motherhood’ — celebrate other maternal figures in your life
Remember that feelings aren’t forever
“If your relationship with your mom is more difficult than doting — whether that’s because you’ve always been at odds, you’ve grown apart as you’ve gotten older, or personality changes, cognitive decline or caregiving issues have come into play — it can be a — it can be a tough time to figure out how to recognize the day,” AARP said.
This article originally appeared on Florida Times-Union: Mother’s Day: What to say to those who lost mom, tough relationships